What I’ve Been Up To…

So I’m not really sure if anyone is reading or checking this blog on a regular basis, but if you are, you may have noticed that I’ve been MIA for the last couple of weeks.  Some of this is because of Thanksgiving and spending time with family.  But mostly it’s because I haven’t mentally been up to posting anything new.  I’m hoping this will change very soon.

Without getting into it too much, I’ll just saying that I have been struggling a lot lately with anxiety (which I’ve been having for years), and more recently, depression…which I honestly had no idea I had.  I just knew I hadn’t been feeling like myself lately and wasn’t enjoying things in life the way I should have been.  After an ER visit a couple of weeks ago where I was having a panic attack, I talked to my regular doctor yesterday.  I’m going to be taking a couple of (expensive!) medications that I’m hoping will help me get slowly back to normal.

I actually have many people in my family on antidepressants, and for that reason I always thought I could handle things on my own–I was strong enough to not need to rely on medication.  I’m still a little angry at myself for needing to be on it.  But right now, if it can help me, I need to accept that fact and take it.  I just want to be the best person I can for my husband and especially my son.

I think there are a lot of stay at home moms who silently suffer from anxiety and/or depression.  It gets very repetitive doing the same things day after day after day, especially if you live in a small town like I do, where there’s nothing for you and your kids to do.  I know I am hardly ever alone, but I am also fortunate because I only have one child.  I think that moms with more kids may have it harder.

So, I’m sorry for not being myself the past couple of weeks and keeping up with the blog!  Hopefully my medicine will start helping soon, and I will try to post more.  It may be once a week, twice a week…but I will TRY.  I know I usually keep it lighthearted on here, but I really feel better now that I’ve put this into writing!  If you need help, or even think you might be in a little over your head, talk to your doctor.  Medication may not be the answer for you, but often just talking about your feelings can be.  As moms we have to be our best as all times 🙂

About Carrie

A SAHM who loves her life :)

Posted on December 6, 2011, in misc., parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Being a stay at home mom is so hard because I feel like there is not much time to take care of even recognize myself. I have found my Mops group very helpful and supportive. I think it is brave of you to accept help and then also to share about it so others may too recognize this in themselves. Also being a mother period is hard no matter how many you have it is a great joy but also responsibility!

  2. Your story is very similar to mine though the worst years of my life suffering with depression/anxiety/panic attacks occured in my earlier years…about when I was 20-25. Before I was a wife and mother. I’m 54 now and though I still suffer with depression and anxiety, I haven’t had a panic attack in about 30 years, knock on wood. I had to take quite a few trips to the ER for the panic attacks back in the day. I’m better now. I take medication daily. Maybe getting older has mellowed me out some. My husband of 25 years unexpectedly left me and divorced me a couple of years ago and that was the hardest thing I have ever been through.. For a long time I didn’t think I would ever get over that and didn’t care if I even woke up in the mornings. Time does heal though and maybe I can’t say I’m happy with my lot in life, I am at least content.

    I’m glad I found your blog and your post today. I so understand what you are experiencing and it has to be so much harder having a child to take care of when you are not feeling well. By the time I had my children, I still suffered but it wasn’t as bad as it was in my earlier years. I hope I bring you the hope that you can get better as time goes on. It is very important to take your medication on a regular basis. Maybe some people can be strong enough to make it on their own without medication, but I sure never could and still can’t.

    Sorry this is so long. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. I know that feeling all too well. It’s great that you took the initiative to make change. That’s one of the best things you can do. And being brave enough to share with others is so awesome and will surely help as well.

  4. I know all too well how you are feeling. I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for over half my life and I just turned sixty. I also had panic attacks and over the years that has gotten a lot better but I’ve been on medications to treat depression for many, many years. Just remember that depression is an illness and nothing to be ashamed of and that things will improve over time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

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